Thursday, March 21, 2013

I'm The Scoutmaster or: How I Learned God Doesn't Like Me

I've always lived under the premise that God loves me.  Truth be told, I still basically believe that.  But that He likes me? Mmmmm, can't say that I'm so sure and I'm going to express why. 

'Bout a year ago, I was called in to my LDS Bishop's office and was asked to be a teacher of 8-11 year-old Mormon children.  This was satisfactory on many levels: It basically required a small amount of preparation, I like kids of that age and it kind of made me get out of bed and go to church every week.

When I got called in to the Bishop's office and given the assignment, I told the Bishop, whose name I will not put on this Internet (See? I am growing up. A year ago I'd have totally put him on blast!)that I had been very nervous that he was going to make me the Scoutmaster. He kind of laughed and asked me why I would be nervous about that. I explained that I, although an Eagle Scout, do not see the huge value in the Scouting program, that my Scout skills have eroded if they ever existed, that I can't sleep without a CPAP Maching that requires electricity to run, and that I drive a VW Beetle that not only has everyone thinking I'm gay but also only fits the cargo of 1/2 of a grown male. The Bishop kind of laughed and assured me that I had nothing to worry about. I breathed easy and left the office, happy enough with my new calling.

I believe that at that exact moment there is a 70 percent chance the Bishop let Satan into his heart and into his mind. That's the only way I can come to grips with what happened about 4 months later.

The Bishop called me again and said: "I'm calling you to be Scoutmaster."

My family has taught me enough about the guilt trip to know that I basically had to say yes.  I gotta go home so I'm gonna finish this reeeeeally quickly:

Being the Scoutmaster has mostly sucked, but has had a few good moments.  I like the kids, and that's about it. 

I guess the moral is that which we run from, we run to. 


Unknown said...

you are the best scoutmaster I have ever known. wow we are getting old

Unknown said...