My Great Season of Loneliness

It's time I embraced and spoke about a sad, sad time in my life. Was it a time that made me a better human? Almost certainly not. Was it a time upon which I reflected later, realizing that I had learned life's lessons and come out stronger? No. Was it a pile of dung with flies on it? Yes, it was.

My parents got called on a mission that overlapped mine and subsequently, I lived in their home with my brother and his wife who were supposed to be there to support me, give me guidance, help me get back to living a regular life again, and keep me away from porno.

They were there for about a year, I was doing fine except for the porno (joking, we didn't have internet) and then they got offered the chance to move back east for a job opportunity for my sister-in-law that they couldn't pass up. This left me alone in my parent's house. For some 22 year-olds, that would have been a boon from on high. For me, not so much.

Instead of living alone I invited Derek Wessman to live with me. That first month with little Derek living with me was joyous, indeed. We drank so much soda pop and played so much Nintendo that methinks the Gods on high were jealous. I had my tonsils taken out and so the soda ended. With it ended the chance of living an even below-average life for awhile.

The year was 2002. The month February. Some of you, even those of you who are featured prominently in this tale of woe, look back on this period with great fondness, I'm sure. Some of you think "I loved it when that French guy asked me to go with him to the bobsled" or something like that. I believe the time is thought of as the "2002 Salt Lake Winter Olympics" or some crock of shit like that. To me, it will always be my Great Season of Loneliness.

As stated, I had recently had the tonsils torn surgically from my body when the world arrived in Salt Lake. While this ended the nearly year long string of colds I had, it began the six week period of only being apple to drink f-king apple juice. I'm not one to use the f word all willy-nilly on this blog, but that's how much apple juice I drank. It was 5 years before I could touch another swig of it. As a man who loves his food, being put on an apple juice diet put me in a very dour mood.

What really killed me, however, were those damned Olympics. See, they robbed me of the only thing I had going for me at the time: friends. My family was gone. I was off work. I couldn't eat. What else did I have but friends? Here's a rundown:

Derek: My little friend has an aptitude for the Japanese language matched by very few, and because of this, he was in high demand during the Olympics. Japanese visitors needed translators to explain to them why they didn't win any gold medals, and apparently they needed them 22 hours a day since I only saw Derek when he came home to complain about the conditions and go to sleep briefly. He would have to sit for days at a time, or so it seemed, in a car, waiting for the Japanese people to have him drive them around and amuse them (in their defense he is very amusing). I don't blame Derek for my loneliness. He tried and I think he was as lonely as I was during this time.

Aja: Aja and I have been great friends since the age of about 16. At this point I was modestly obsessed with her on several levels, including the one where I thought she had a great body. She was and is very beautiful, thin, fun, and loving. She's smart and she thinks I'm funny. How could I not love her, right? At this time, she was also a jet-setter, living one year in Europe, one in Hawaii, a month in Utah, and who knows where else. In other words, when she was here, I wanted to be with her because I never knew if she'd be in Turkey the next week. Alas, this was not my lot during the Olympics. I don't know what she was doing besides not calling me, but it sure seemed a lot more fun than sitting on a crappy blue and white checkered couch watching cable TV trying to recuperate from Tonsil surgery and drinking Apple juice. Thanks for the visits, Aja. Oh wait, you didn't make any, like everyone else.

Aaronee: Aaronee is a girl who I'd had an odd crush on for most of the time between my 16-24th years. If she reads this, I'm sure she'll pretend like she didn't know this, but that would be a complete lie. If you didn't know it Aaronee, you aren't very bright because everyone else on the planet knew. Aaronee was strikingly beautiful and I must say I really thought she looked good in a sweater. See, February is sweater weather, but did I get to see my little friend in a sweater? No. She was off with of all people, Aja, I think, having fun and probably having French dudes hit on her and invite her to watch downhill skiing or bobsled or some crap like that.

Kristie and Kelsey: These were my two good friends at work. Kristie would later become my wife and even later become my ex-wife and Kelsey was a good friend. Both were and I'm sure are (I haven't seen Kelsey in a few years) very easy on the eyes and I thought we were good friends. Guess how many times good friends come to visit you while you're out of work for 6 weeks recovering from tonsil surgery? If you guessed none then you know how these two roll. Bad job, guys.

Phil: I can't blame Phil. Sometimes when this subject comes up, Phil says something like "you could have called me." This is true, Phil. This is true. The only problem is Phil was in a six month funk at the time and I felt that having him around might actually make me feel more lonely. I was wrong, but that was how loneliness had clouded my thought process. Forgive me Phil, forgive me.

Jim and Shelley: Way to pull the ripcord, and oop, bail out on me. They moved away for a chance at more money and to not have to live with Jim's loser brother in his parent's house. Do I blame them for my loneliness? Yes, I do, although less than others.

Mom and Dad: I know that you, like Jim and Shelley, were doing what you had to do, but it doesn't change the fact that I was lonely.

Grant: You made a good effort. I will give you that. My only good night during the Olympics was with you. Thank you.

I would say that getting that all off my chest makes me feel better. But it doesn't. I hope you can all sleep at night. Just kidding. Of course, time passed and I was able to share time and have experiences with each of you in the future. What mad me sad during these months was having some of my favorite people within miles of me, and being unable to see them. There is no moral to this story, just that I learned that loneliness and I are not good friends, and that I am grateful for the friends I have, imperfect as they are.